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Looking for an excuse for you. But then why? I ask the question without words from your back turned against me."You know him?" Matt drags me out of my unreal very dangerous staring state."My ex boyfriend' I lie."He seems to have moved on." I let out a screaming laughter inside me, not audible to the outside world. If he only knew, I think "Let's go" I say gathering my board, goggles and gloves. "I don't want him to see me." When we close the double door behind us, cute insecure Matt asks me:"I hope you didn't dash out because you were embarrassed of my age."I want to correct him that only because we spent the night together, it doesn't make us a couple of any freakin bizarre kind.Damn, it is such an embarrassing situation. I even managed to turn myself into this aging chick who envies her ex bf's happy family and takes comfort in a much younger guy. And only I fucking know the truth."Don't be silly. I didn't want to meet him because we didn't really part on peaceful term." I lie. A waste of training and talent, but when I thought back on it, I didn’t mind as much as I thought I might. Maybe that year we had spent dancing around each other wasn’t wasted after all. Maybe it was what I needed to be sure he was the right man for me. I began to daydream about what it would be like to be a rancher’s wife. What would I do with my time? I’d been in school or competitive swimming when most young girls of my age might have been at home learning some of the domestic skills. I could cook and clean, but nothing special. I had some things to learn. Perhaps Marion would guide me. We seemed to get along well. I hoped she would teach me what I needed to know. At least I knew how to ride. One step at a time, I decided. Rance suggested I sell my car. We would pack all our possessions into his pickup truck and share the driving to Trinidad. It seemed like a practical idea, so I posted my car on Craig’s List and took the first reasonable offer I got. I’d bought it used when I.
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